She's JV to your varsity
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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