okay pat passed out under dana's car
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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