gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
