When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I touched a dick in church today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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