Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
