forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
