'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
