3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
