I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bring me that man meat
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
