In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
