Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
