oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
