he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
