I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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