either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i think my mom watched the whole time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
