you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
