I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
