Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
