Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
