I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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