He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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