if only i could text you this smell
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
