I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
