How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
