Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
