I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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