Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
