My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
