I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
