Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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