I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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