Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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