Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
