How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you would pick up someone in the library
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
