Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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