I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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