yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
