its not stalking. its research.
someone owes me an orgasm
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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