he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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