You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
