Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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