Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
