That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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