I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
