I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't think brook has ever known best
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
