now i know why i became what i already was.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
