The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
