so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
