Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
