So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We left the knife in your bed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
