either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
