I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
