She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
