i permit you to call me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
