Banned from zoo.
Again?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
