so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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