it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
