a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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