I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
