ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize