Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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