it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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