It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Non-Jews are for practice
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
