Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am naked and annoyed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
