I will die if light touches me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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