dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
