Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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