2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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