I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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