billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
